I decided to delete the post I posted with anger cos anger does me no good!
When its my fault, it is my fault and there is no point in finding gazillions of excuses and reasonings for it.

So after Shawn replied my msg confirming that it is what he was unhappy about, things finally started coming to me and now I finally know what's wrong. I tooked 4 weeks to understand this. Probably he made me learnt this lesson the hard way.

I did ask Leeyang out!
IT IS MY FREAKING FAULT FOR TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED!
Now, you get the picture so stop saying nasty things about Shawn!
I'm sick of having people go up to him telling him that he hurt me!!!!!
Not that it helped make things better. Instead, it made me seem like a whiny childish fool who dosen't admits her mistakes and go around pushing the blame.
Don't you understand that I will handle the problem myself. Who do you think you are to meddle with my stuff!
I should have known better that to trust you.
There goes 10 years of friendship.

The next question some might be asking is: so you cheated on shawn?
Well, I didn't.
It isn't the first time after I am with Shawn that I've gone out with Leeyang and the rest.
Everytime Leeyang is the one who initiates and organises the outings with my SA clique.
This time it is as usual, Leeyang wanted to plan an outing for all of us to have dinner.
However, this time I took Shawn for granted. He had always agreed to the outings so I thought this time it would be the same especially after I had shown him the msg Leeyang sent asking me, "when are we going out?"
I understood that Leeyang mass send the msg and didn't ask me alone.
So, I didn't respect Shawn by not asking him if he felt okay about it if I were to go out with them. In fact, I don't think I even explained to him at that point in time that Leeyang meant to mean that it was with Jane and the rest.
Instead, I went ahead to reply Leeyang days after, "when are we going out?". This was done without Shawn's knowledge.
This msg then became the crux of the whole arguement.
We looked at the whole issue differently. He felt that I lied to him while I felt that he didn't trust me.
But eventually it boils down to one point. Lack of understanding!
I should not have took things for granted and didn't even tell him about it, at least let him know it isn't with Leeyang alone. In fact, I shouldn't even be stubborn and still keep going out with Leeyang just cos he did me a big favour last time.
But, I did and now I'm regretting it big time cos it pays to think like that.

Well, I made things clear with Leeyang that day. I didn't tell him anything about Shawn and me. I just told him that I got to spare a thought for Shawn so I got to stop seeing him even if its in the group. That applies to Zonghan as well. Well, he understood. No questions and all he said was take care! But of course, I might still need him to explain to Shawn. But, he made me understand that as friends, they don't doubt my decision and trust that I'll make a wise choice so they just support it. Guess, he really treated me as a friend and I'm thankful for that.

Gosh, this lesson is a very expensive one and I learnt it the hard way (having someone you love ignore you). I just hope that there is a chance to make up for it. Like what John says, at least now I know what made Shawn angry and I better learn my lesson so that the next time I will know how to communicate with him.

Okay, not forgetting to mention the comfort xiaomeng gave me.

I guess I just have to continue waiting till he's ready.
Whoever sees me please do not bring up relationship topics in front of me cos I will just start brawling my eyes out.
Please someone fast forward the time, to the time he has forgiven me and when we live happily ever after....

P.S 18 years old don't need parents approval to get married! I was right. Stupid whoever who told me have to wait till 21. Now, my dream of getting married and having kids can be fulfilled sooner. It was the only thing I lived for. I know it sounds very un-ambitious but everyone has their own set of aspirations and I'm proud to say that mine is to have a family of my own and a doting husband.